Creative Spanko Wench Blog

Been wandering around in the Humor links at Stumbleupon

Enjoyed some landscape photos first and then found Things People Say. 

Tenant Complaints

“The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?”

Some Ads

“Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.”

“Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”

Church Bulletin Quotes

“Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.”

“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”

“O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation.”

“After today’s service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor.”

“Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.”

School absence excuses

“Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.”

“Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.”

“Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”

“Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.”

“Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.”

Product Warning Labels

You just know why these warnings are there too doncha? 

“Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.” — In the manual for a jetski.

“Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven.

“Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.” — In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

Now this is a weird one….

“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.

And this one is interesting… 

“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” — On a bag of Fritos.

Heck… you could spend hours laughing if you try all the things people said links.  The kids quotes cracked me up….

The only better way to spend an hour would be getting a much needed spankin… or um that other thing consenting adults get up to, and well I’m sure you know what else is fun to do…. enjoy…

[edit… just had to add this one from Words without thought ]

Welcome to the Flippin Church of Christ.” — A sign outside a church in Flippin, Arkansas.

[John will get a kick out of this one..]

“It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.”

[ok another edit… but my chest literally hurts reading these Language Barrier quotes]

“Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce.” — From a menu in China.

“Buttered saucepans and fried hormones.” — From a menu in Japan.

“Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos.” — From a menu in Cairo.

[ok last edit… maybe… From News Reports ]

“The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad.” — From a New Zealand paper.

“Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating.” — From a New Zealand paper.

The leaking continues, actually it got worse just before noon, then I called pharmacy and asked if there was something I could have that could stop my coulgh, and snot.  The Director laughed at me and told me to come on over.  He made me a care package of decongestant mixed with non-drowsy antihistamine, fever & aches & pains reducer and sore throat lozenges.  LOLOLOL He even patted me on the head and said I should go to bed and if I did he’d tuck in the covers for me.  Bed, though tempting, was just not an option today.  Though tonight as I’m feeling breathless and a little paniced not being able to get a full breath I wonder if tomorrow’s not going to either vastly improve things or force them to where the choice is out of my hands.  The ED medical Director got mad at me and told me he’d order me admitted if I didn’t go home, then he sighed with me when I laid out this week’s obligations.  I promised to see him first thing every morning this week so he could check my breathing and fever.  That got him to agree & trust me, that I’m not being an idiot. Still, I’m working on the trembling agitation born of decongestants and worry… LOLOLOL!  

My presentation tonight was just aweful.  Not only had I poorly timed medicating myself so that the Advil was peaking causing me to sweat out my fever and soak my silk blouse (not just pitts either, my back and front were soaked), and the decongestant had maxed out its anxiety skin crawly nervous energy effect but not yet stopped mucous production, (so I was sneezing, coughing and my nose was running right when I was in the most glib, who-gives-a-shit, hyper and mouthy weird space.  I think the general word for it is mental fog, but ya know, fog may be how it seems outside the experience, but vivid and out of control is how it feels in the middle of it.  I fucked up royally!   And I really mean royally!

I’m usually such a good presenter too.  Being left hanging with no administrative back up on a couple of contentious issues way outside my control didn’t help, but lordy I usually have a much better feel for when to shut up.  Yup I said the unsayable. 

When I got home I was strung out, as usual, with worry and insecurity. I really needed an ear and was feeling so ready to cry out and ask for solace from at least one of the ears I count on.  Then I got an e-mail that put me back on center.  How easy it is to get wrapped up in ME, ME, ME.  GD! The slap in my face truth is, I’m not the center of the universe, not even my own.  I don’t have a monopoly on stress.  How can I be so effing needy without even asking about others?  OK so I get a break when they don’t tell me and I can’t know, but darn!  I have some work to do fixing my outlook.

Our challenges really are that, when we’re privileged to get them presented to us that way.  Challenges.   Virtually always we’ve got the skills, power and opportunity to answer them when we’re given the luxury of being told they’re there.  Sometimes all chances get taken away before any chances are allowed - a heart attack takes a young man with no warning he even had risk factors never mind disease; a 17 yearold takes out a family driving his father’s car after the first time he’s ever even tasted never mind consumed too much beer.  Why some people get chances and others face instant - final consequences is going to remain a mystery I’ll wonder about for all of my life.

Stop and say a short prayer (if you’re inclined to pray) for everyone you know and don’t know who’ve been hit hard, head on, stressed beyond tolerence, with a sudden consequence.  Pray they see beyond the stress of right now and recognize opportunity and the grace of being given the chance to know it.

I present my current leaky state as a bit of a humorous aside, but it’s not really a funny post.  Wake up patty.  I think I get it.

Stepping back in time.

I had occasion to reminisce and revisit old eating habits today. Peanut butter and honey on toast. Actually, it was on a bagel, they had no cream cheese in the cafeteria this morning, so I settled on peanut butter & added the honey when there was no strawberry jam. I can’t even remember how long ago I last had a peanut butter sandwich. I must say that the unexpected sensuality of the taste, the crispy, slightly sandy, and thickly silken, sweet, stick-to-your-mouth experience woke nostalgia. I find myself lustful for more now, but not just another toasted bagel with honey and peanut butter, I’m thinking of other peanut butter blends that once were staples in my diet.

All of these are sandwich recipes I have enjoyed and have been contemplating all day today. Peanut butter & banana, peanut butter and lettuce, peanut butter and sugar, peanut butter and Spanish or Vidalia onion, peanut butter and salt and vinegar potato chips, peanut butter & prosciutto ham with just a little mustard, peanut butter & grapes, peanut butter and apple slices, peanut butter and sharp cheddar cheese, peanut butter & cold cooked broccoli, peanut butter & left over macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and sliced pears, or peaches, or even strained fruit cocktail, peanut butter and chopped shrimp or crab, peanut butter and pastrami with a bit of mustard. Mmmmm yes I did — I hit the grocery store on my way home tonight and bought a tub of organic crunchie peanut butter, a small bunch of banana’s, a Spanish onion and some prosciutto ham. I also got some 8 grain bread to make toast with. I had three pieces of toast each folded over for one of each of these combo sandwiches.

So what am I doing now? Wondering if having seconds of the ham & peanut butter this time with hot mustard would earn me a spanking… since it is almost bedtime, and good girls stop eating at least two hours before bedtime because that’s good for their body. Naw… have the sandwich and worry about it tomorrow.

It’s officially cold down here in deep south TX right now. They just changed the winter weather advisory tonight to a freeze warning. We were going to just get hit or miss sleet and freezing rain but now the temps have fallen deeper and we’re going to get a freeze deep enough to upset the citrus farmers. No biggie for you folks up there where freezing temperatures are the norm this time of year, but a major deal down here where barely freezing temperatures cause such huge burdens on the power grid that brown outs and power shut downs are the rule… just consider this if you will, (something I can’t quite fathom myself) at the height of the summer when this part of the US hits the 100’s every day for weeks and weeks on end, the drain on the local power supply barely cracks “burden’ status, but now, when the temperatures drop close to freezing for two or three nights the electrical burden exceeds capacity. For me it’s a matter of yanking out the chenille throw and extra blanket and putting up with clingy kitties and puppies who want to snuggle closer than usual. Folks down here in the south just don’t do cold at all. What’s worse is the numbers of people who die own here when the weather turns like this. Not even the heat waves in Chicago claim as many lives as these brief cold snaps do down here.

Well, tonight I’ve actually broken down and dared turn the heat on. It’s been a couple of years since I felt the need to do that, not even when we got snow a year ago Christmas did we turn the heat on here, so as the air exchanger switched over from cool to heat I worried. Tonight I couldn’t take it any more, we’ve had cold (within 3 – 5 degrees of freezing) for several days, and the forecast is for several more days hovering at or near freezing before we get back up to even the 50’s during the day. This is really very odd down here by the way…. Fronts typically come through, bring a day of cold weather drizzly weather, the dry air pushes the drizzle away, it clears out we have one really cold night but the cold never penetrates until well after dark and there’s no wind. This time, the wind persists and the cloud cover has too. We’re getting damp cold close to freezing and it’s hanging out for the better part of a week (2 & a half days so far) and is predicted to hang out here till at least the weekend.

I was nervous as that first blast of heat burned off the residue on the cooling coils and distributed them through the vents. I fear fire at this time of year, so you have to gasp how much of a leap it’s been for me just to turn on the heat never mind weather out the first hour of it’s being on. I had my phone in hand & my pets in their crates so I could evacuate right away. I’ve got fire wood I could put in my fireplace, but I didn’t get it inspected this year, and I’m just not up for a flue fire, even if I do know the chances of one down here where there’s a filter on the chimney keeping nesters out & there’s virtually no burning done year to year, are slim. I was brazen enough to fire up the logs last year, this year something is telling me to take care, so I have a box of commercial logs & a chord of fire wood that I won’t be using this year. So far, now that the burn off with the air exchanger is past, my home is not warming up as I would expect it to with the heat on and a thermostat to regulate it. It’s set at 60. Right now the thermostat is kissing 40. Better than the 35 that’s registering outside, but not quite warm enough for my bed, even with pets to feel warm enough….

Now, the salient question is …. If my bottom was well spanked would any of this be an issue? Lololololoolololol you tell me…. g

As I contemplate the title of this post, I am compelled to smile. The why will remain my secret, though I want to share that it represents a healthy transition from taking someone’s ugly vitriol personally and finally being able to laugh at its meaning and ultimately letting it go. Vulgar, lewd, sinful. LOLOLOL Me? Of course I am, aren’t we all; some of us simply more inclined to examine rather than hide or judge that part of ourselves?

And so… today’s post….

I went to work today, lots to do so I can have next week off & go home to Canada, though I did manage to get away by 3:30. From my first hours there the relaxed atmosphere my co-workers exuded struck me. While I’m certain that some of the hooded sleepy eyes were made of real fatigue, the calm satisfied aura was definitely made of more. Most of the office, ancillary and administrative staff were off today, taking the day in lieu of Christmas Eve, even though in some parts of the world there is a perfectly legitimate and civilized holiday that needn’t have been a greedy substitute – yup, Boxing Day. Here in the US the day after Thanksgiving is the heaviest shopping day of the year, in Canada and the UK, Boxing Day is. The popular myth is that all good Canuks & Brits box up many of those oddly chosen gifts from various and sundry well meaning relatives and rush en mass to the exchange counter. Of course that’s not the true sentiment behind Boxing Day. But whatever it’s original meaning it is a holiday.

Whether it was relief that the mad rush is over, or contented bliss from lingering indulgence, everyone I interacted with smiled and visibly approached everything with a calm I haven’t enjoyed with them for some time. I hope the energy lingers for a while. Even the deadlines I was at work to get ahead of today, though hard to fully flesh out and even harder to put away incomplete on Friday, seemed easy to measure up to, and just flowed off my fingers into plans and presentations.

My office is in a suite constructed within an office building next door to the hospital. My department shares the space (very cramped space) with IT & S, and Marketing. Don’t get me wrong, I like my office - it’s the first one I’ve had in 15 years in nursing/hospital management that has a window, but, there is only one bathroom in the entire suite, and guess what? It is located in a cul-de-sac hall that is completely occupied by men. Have you ever had to poop or pee on the day after Christmas in a bathroom with paper-thin walls? Let me just say one thing… Turkey farts! I happen to know I’m not alone experiencing this unique consequence of this season, and that each of the men occupying the offices flanking the lonely captive commode are long and intimately familiar with this fact of life, but I must say it was somewhat embarrassing. Turkey farts just cannot be controlled in the SBD tradition of pea soup farts… (SBD being silent but deadly, and every consumer of Habitant™ French Pea soup understand it’s association) but even if they could there is the problem of escaping the lavatory unseen and unconnected with that over-ripe seasonal, yet oddly so unique and personally imbued deposit. Flush, wait, flush again and wait…. The air handling system simply will not clear ‘the air.’ In fact your lingering and efforts only serve to draw attention to your plight. When I took too long answering the call after my quick cafeteria breakfast I was busted. Much to my demure embarrassment, after I flushed a third time washed again and gave up the closet to my distressed male co-worker, we both burst out laughing. The hallway was ripe with his plight. Poor guy! But so was the bathroom with mine! Turkey! And so the guys in the cul-de-sac hall let loose … yeah probably with hundreds and hundreds of unrestrainable turkey farts of their own, but more significantly with good natured chuckles. I had to giggle several times today, not just each time I looked their way, but each time I traveled the hallways of the hospital, went in to the dry cleaners, stopped at the money machine, stood in line to pat for gas and buy 3 liters of sprite, and realized that my nostrils detected that same tell tale remnant of the holiday and the generative indulgence shared with loved ones and those who care.

Words, hugs, laughter, smiling, sleepy, peaceful, and contented conversation and interactions and yes, even mild embarrassment and a seasonal olfactory onanism helped today feel special. Weird? Who knows…

And so….

Feeling contented and warm, as her day drew to a close, she let her mind stray to the places her flesh beckoned.

“Later!” she promised breathlessly when her hips squirmed impatiently in her chair. She was trying to work, and it was going well.

“Please! I promise!” She whispered when her fingers rebelled against reaching for the phone as it rang when her nipples tingled insistently.

And then she was home, her body ready for the shower, her flesh in need of much more than the flushing rush of hot water. Her body screamed, her flesh led the siren call … ‘The silken sheets of your bed and needy pulp of your finger tips want you first.’ The weak and the strong blended, and for her whole being there was no escaping what she had to do. Rich though the season was with indulgence of every kind, one appetite had been set aside in favor of family, work and fatigue. It would not be pushed away today, and there was nothing capable of pushing it down once all commitments were honored and the only one remaining could not be for now.

She dropped her clothing readying herself for the shower. Unexpectedly the cool air woke her nipples. “Warm!” they called to her hands, and instantly the call was obeyed. Palms and fingers pressed, the vestigial purpose of erection was not lost. No question, the effects of cold exposure was a sexual survival signal belonging to centuries past. At this moment, she didn’t know or care about that evolutionary possibility, though her body immediately responded to the sexual nourishment of the neuronal umbilicus that connected her nipples to her cunt. Her clit pressed up and out from under its thin protective hood, her pussy pulsed expressing the clear silken bubble of lubricant her body had been holding back all day.

“Please?” her whole being asked, and life conspired to say yes. As it should, now & then… ☺

Please, please please don’t leave the posts Doc Tsai made go un answered… I’m scared to death with worry about how they’ll be taken… please?

love

p

I stopped by All things Spanking today only to discovery thy have to start over building their whole blog because of a server problem…. & here I’ve been whining about bugs,,,,

best holiday wishes you guys… hope you get some visitors to encourage you with the task a head…

Go say hi & say the spanked elf sent you…

There’s something almost fun about composing posts in e-mail, then playing who’s more stubborn, me or this darned machine when it comes to getting the post pasted and uploaded… I’m on my 9th try tonight. hehehe… boy do I need a spankin… th air in this room is blue, blue, blue… a longshoreman would whither.. lololol

a little seasonal humor for you….

Please do check out these links….. lolololol. I’d love t know your thoughts…

A novel gift

Elvin magic

Jingle gas???

Twas the night before…

oops two more trys before it actually posted whole. lolol make that 13 total…. I’m nothing if not persistent…. oops strike that 14

when you can only keep a connection for a minute or so … this is how you beat the boot beasties… I’m getting comments on my palm though, even if I can’t stay on long enought to finsh any answers. Just a few more days… ok

Aren’t these cute?

You can get one here ….Limpy