Creative Spanko Wench Blog

Minitoes (aka Cinnamon) turned 15 today, and it hardly seems like yesterday that I kit-napped her from ‘mamma kitty’ (a semi friendly ferrel cat who birthed her litter in my dryer on Canada day - long story short I lived in a house on stilts by the sea shore and I had a small ramshackle shed under the house where the washer, dryer and sprinkler system were enclosed). Mamma kitty had 4 kittens, I tried to catch all of them after she began teaching them to eat/play with/kill live food. I was going to take them to be neutered. Toes and her brother were the only ones I could catch. Mamma kitty moved the others before I could catch them or her. I kept both kit-napped kittens. Toes’ brother passed at age two from ‘lung worm.’ Toes has out lived the two kitties and two dogs I already had when she joined our family, as well as a kitty I adopted when it was 10 (her owners had to give her up due to a move - she lived to be 18). Now my sweet lovey dovey little kitty is what her Vet calls a geriatric cat. She takes medicine for blood pressure and glaucoma in one eye and she’s become so allergic to ordinary cat food so badly that when she manages to get into it she literally rubs her whiskers off due to the itch. She’s crafty too - she prefers regular food so every chance she gets she scoff her new little (not so little anymore really) brother’s crunchies and leaves her hypoallergenic crunchies untouched. Toes weighs 9 lbs.

And so now we have Scrapscallion … he came to us a a tiny 3 lb stray that our vet’s kids found lost on a cold rainy night. They nursed him through some upper respiratory distress and then after Toes last housemate passed away and I worried that she seemed very lonely and lethargic … Scrappy (or crappy depending on his behavior) ended up coming home with us. At 1st Toes did not like it at all, then over time she adapted. They cuddle together on my lap every evening now, though there are still squabbles over playing … he wants to play constantly - she likes it some but her stamina is waning…

Not so long ago the scruffy little scrapscallion pictured below could fit in the palm of my hand. He turned one year old in late march, and he really has grown into all that scruffy long hair…

He’s an exceptionally soft an silky little guy. Toes has very velvety fur, Scrap’s is more plush and silken.

Look how aloof he pretends to be … he was 9 months old when the above pic was taken…. He had grown to 12 lbs and now he’s 14lbs. Perfectly normal and healthy for his bone structure and probable Ragdoll mixed with local ferrel kitty heritage. Vet says he has the points (tail ears and one toe, plus the length, size, structure and amazing relaxed flexibility of a rag doll. His tail is the only remaining scruffy part of him & no amount of combing can make it look smooth… he doesn’t seem to mind, so I don’t either

Well now that he’s officially a late adolescent kitty, as you can see he’s into everything… and he plays knock everything off the shelf/table/counter pretty much daily. That top shelf he’s on is 10 feet off the floor. I used to have living house plants, some wood figures and standing books up there…. I had photos next to the TV on the lower shelf too, and the toy soldier on the shelf second from the top used to have two ears… (ok so the soldier’s hard to see -it’s between the monky puzzle tree I made in 96 [left] and the books [right]. The puff on the right (your view) is missing guess why…

Happy birthday to Mini toes & happy late birthday to Scrapscallion.

Here’s Toes tonight trying to lick my arm to make me give her scratchies … of course she got her scratchies and a lovely long body and belly rub too.

LOL! There ya go… an update on, my current housemates and source of my daily - maintain sanity - purr and cuddle therapy

;)

patty

I’m just back from another rapid turn around overnight trip and have a heavy assignment more than 50 miles away tomorrow. Tonight I’ve decided to wind down by down loading comedy albums from iTunes … Billy Connolly, Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby, Ron White, Bill Engvall, Jeanne Robertson and Ron White. They should keep me laughing for a while. I’ve got America’s funniest videos and Americaa’s funniest animal videos set to TIVO along with Reba and Two and a Half Men. My crime shows (except for two on cable … The Closer & Criminal Intent are in reruns, so going with comedy only for a while seems like a great plan.

Frankly I’m disgusted with the news media. Where was the notice that Ed McMahon passed away last week, and Farrah Fawcett’s passing is now barely an after thought in the midst of this Michael Jackson frenzy? How many ordinary anonymous families experienced the loss of a family member last week? [I guess I have a special sensitivity to this since someone very close to me passed quietly on the same day as John Kennedy Jr. It was cruel really that there was no relief from our loss because at every turn a pseudo celebrity’s passing took over every venue of relief for weeks] Mr. Jackson was a ruined, very troubled human being, the current speculative frenzy around his death is just wrong. The blessing is that he’s not here to suffer the piranha like feeding frenzy around his last moments. Ass holes like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton (two men who offer nothing at all to society, who have leached the racism card for nothing but personal gain and wealth) once again crawl (creepily and exploitively) out of the woodwork. GAG! Just leave the family alone! Let them grieve. It’s Cory Feldman’s business that he cut his friend off in his own drug addled wallow right when his friend needed him most, and then never took the time or seized any chance to reconnect - exactly why is this newsworthy? Go away you slimy press hungry freak! Millions of us have been there. Human’s make choices everyday, even though tomorrow is fleeting. Regrets just are. Wish they weren’t, but that would be a pipe dream.

Frankly, nothing but the news that he died, and his family is grieving is all any of the rest of the world desrves to know right now.

We get dealt good cards and bad cards. You can win with a bad hand and you can loose with the best hand. It’s all in how we play them. Some of us play well, some of us don’t. You’d be surprised how many wonderful families nurtured/raised progeny who never manage to master fundamental/ordinary life’s skills in-spite of the fact that this progeny has been blessed with exceptional - sometime extraordinary talents.

Some of us are never going to learn not to smother every flame of hope out of fear, some of us will eventually learn to embrace the fire. Some of us will make choices that make it possible to find happiness and peace, and some of us will make choices that invite painful outcomes. Not one of us made a wrong choice either, we acted from need, and some of us pain. If any of us could see the future, all of us would question even our very best instincts.

It’s regret that I feel I personally feel the need to work out. I regret many things and I feel blessed having been given many things. My current biggest regret is hurting one of my best friends, even if it had to be done for both of our peace of mind.

Ed McMahon, by all reports was a good egg, a friend to many and a dedicated advocate for abandoned and homeless animals. Farrah Fawcett bravely disclosed her sexual history in the hopes that others could learn about anal cancer and the risk factors for it. Michael Jackson hid from the world, and owned no believable truths about himself - he sought to be Peter Pan and failed. He could sing and he could dance, but as a man he offered nothing else but unresolved questions…. But they (Ed & Farrah) genuinely gave what Mr. M. Jackson never did - he got famous doing self aggrandizing things.

I should be more empathetic I suppose considering that in my small world I’m just as guilty. I hid, I embellished, I found my reality unworthy and I re-wrote it to conform so I could belong ….

People subjected to the piranha feedings don’t often heal. Piranha devour and destroy. Perhaps they shit out molecules that might congeal and offer a some lucky soul a second chance. Mostly they ruin lives and obliterate history. Mr. Jackson’s family don’t deserve this. Please leave them alone.

Just my thoughts.

P

I can see by the weather channel that some of us had March come in like a lion and others of us had it come in like a lamb. So, I guess that means the month will end just as variable on the weather front.

My February ended on a mixed note my March has come in growling. My spanking partner has had a rough time these last months too, but on a softer note, in the middle of one of the worst for him, we managed a brief few hours together. It was sweet and *g* tenderizing, though not as intense for either of us as it has been. We’ve both noticed that my tolerance has gone down the last two times we’ve been able to get down to spanking. I thought it was a combination of all the stuff that’s gone on over the last 12 - 18 months, and while that probably has been a factor why wasn’t it six months ago? Not to mention that the last two times we were able to set aside time to get down to spanking properly I was on a real up swing as far as adapting to life changes goes…. I felt strongly that something else was up. Well as it turns out there was..

On Wednesday this week I finally got a definitive explanation for why I have felt do crappy since last summer. I have type two diabetes. I asked about this as a possibility every time I’ve been to the Doc. for half a year now, but for whatever reason when I was in the office, my blood sugar was normal. Peeing 5 times a night, constant thirst, blurry vision, overwhelming fatigue, moodiness, headaches, chronic upper respiratory symptoms as well as chronic bladder infections with stomach and bowel troubles… I was given the pat on the back and reassured that there were other more likely reasons for the way I was feeling. Never once was I offered a fasting blood sugar or hemoglobin A1C (HgbA1C) test, and I didn’t really think to ask. It’s possible to have normal blood sugars and still have type 2 diabetes for quite a long time. it’s the fasting blood sugar repeated at least twice and the HgbA1C levels that really tell you and your doc where you fall on the spectrum. Well on Wednesday when I just had to go to the doc (my head hurt, my eyes were blurring and I was just sooooo tired) my blood sugar was 390 (normal is 80 - 120) and my HgbA1C was almost 11 (controlled diabetics should be <6.5; normal people shouldn’t have a positive Hgb A1C level at all). It was a bit shocking, but at the same time a huge relief. So many things going on and affecting how I feel day to day now have rational explanations. I’m not just hopelessly depressed and irreparably ruined by chemo.

I resisted going to hospital which is apparently the usual first step for new onset diabetics with blood sugars close to 400 and A1C’s greater than 10. I asked to start on Januvea which I’ve read helps your body work without the risk of severely low blood sugar. If it and controlling my carbohydrate intake doesn’t work within the next 10 - 14 days, then I’ll happily go the insulin route. I have two good friends who swear by insulin, one uses a pump, the other takes a baseline dose of a long acting insulin and then doses herself at each meal based on how many carbs she eats - both have consistent HgbA1C levels under 7 indicating they are well in control. Today my morning blood sugar was 167 (a huge drop from 390 on Wednesday) and tonight it’s 150. I have a ways to go to get under 120, but it’s been a slow steady decline over 3 days, which I know from years looking after diabetics in ICU is better than a too rapid decline. All I feel is hungry now (I’ve had 4 large meals but only 21 g of carbs), no more headache, no more blurred vision, and I’m interested in stuff again. sheesh. go figure…. I’m sure I’ll reach the poor me stage at some point, right now I’m just relieved to find out it’s not a cancer relapse or worse a psychosomatic problem for which there is no real management.

If you asked me two years ago - “what condition would be the most frightening for you to live with?” I would have told you diabetes. Well I’ve been given that reality to live with now too. Sticking my fingers hasn’t been as bad as I feared. Now, If I have to do the insulin thing, that may be different. I have always had a morbid fear of needles. In Nursing school I puked watching the “how to give a needle” instruction video in my 1st year. I actually made myself watch it 11 times to get over the ‘oogies’. Giving my 1st needle was terrifying, and then 10,000 or more needles and other worse invasive needle type treatments administered in 26 plus years of nursing and I’m still not able to get a needle without becoming nauseated and apprehensive. I could give myself insulin if I had to, but it will take some fortitude that’s for sure.

Any how, that’s some news… Now, how would you like some spanking news?

I’ve been fortunate enough to be spanked several times since I last wrote an official account for you. The most notable thing is how much fun we’ve both had each time (well every time ever so far actually). I can’t seem to hold position when he sets a particular goal, and when I break, I giggle. (OK so I giggle all the time but that’s not the same…) He laughs even harder. I’ve dared him that I could take 30 full swats with the tawse. He just laughs, since he’s only been able to give me 10 or so each makes me giggle, and then I fall flat and giggle more. He’s tried to be stern and assign X more and make me get in an embarrassing ‘knees wide, butt up” kneeling position, but even if I’m successful maintaining, we’re both laughing when he finishes.

He really likes the tawse (even the handle) and he likes the Cane-Iac birches. Cane-Iac’s double cane is fun for both of us too. We’ve got several toys we like, John’s Leatherthorn paddles and a Walmart wooden spoon - we broke Cane-Iac’s spoon the second time we used it. His favorites are the quieter ones, which has blessedly given me a break from the cracker barrel paddle and also thankfully I’ve lost my vermont country store bath brush somewhere in my bedroom.

This spring promises many more spankings and god willing more blogging about those escapades.

[i] [u]footnote:[/u] Hemoglobin A 1 C is a test that tells your doctor how much sugar is attached to you hemoglobin. Hemoglobin is the currier that move oxygen (the part of air you really need to make your body work well using and making energy). When sugar latches on to the hand holds that oxygen normally travels on it does two bad things. 1 it bumps off the oxygen (usually 2 of every 4 designated oxygen places are stolen by the excess sugar) and 2 the presence of the sugar on the oxygen’s places causes the left over oxygens to refuse to get off at their energy delivery spot. Our tissues are programed to ask for oxygen, not sugar (it gets sugar from a different train). Hemoglobin is programed not to give all of its oxygen away, so when it only has 2 oxygens, of the 4 it should have it says NO the tissues asking for more. So Diabetics with highly sugared (glycosylated) hemoglobin have two big problems. They have too much sugar that lack of working insulin won’t let them use, and then the extra unused sugar collects in places where it makes it harder for the body to be able to use other essential ingredients for health and life. [/i]

;) patty

I must say that though I opened my report of this stop with a spanko vignette (completely fiction as I am sure you know) I must say it was an awe inspiring place. We docked to the threat of drizzle, and while I waited for my tour it did drizzle, but actually that lasted all of 30 minutes and there was no more rain until the ship was pulling away from its moors.

Did you know that Ketchican is the rain capital of NA? and that 3 days without rain is considered a drought? Did you you know that many residents collect rain into cisterns as their primary source of fresh water, so three days without rain can be disaster since seagulls poop on dry roofs and that’s where the rain collects??? Now, I knew about cisterns for irrigation and I knew about swamp tanks for air-conditioning, but I never thought of roof water collection for fresh water. As of the day I visited Ketchican they were approaching 130 inches of rain for the year (and here I am from south TX where 12 inches in two months was flood worthy and exceeded our year’s max.)

It was certainly a beautiful place. I never expected to see so much color in gardens and window boxes, never mind road side gullies.

An established eagles’ nest was one of the 1st things pointed out to us and it had both a nestling and a branchling that were both visible (nestling = eaglette too immature to chance falling or flying …. branchling = and eaglette almost ready to fly and physiologically ready to risk falling. Both parents were not far off.

Not far beyond them was an inlet with leaping salmon, then a raft of kelp and log debris large enough to support both harbor seals and otters.

I was transfixed, and missed several photo opportunities.

1st bears were really far away…. mom & cubs & then daddy… or presumed daddy Y’all met ablurry image of him yesterday.

We walked bay a small puddle and were quickly shown why staying on the trail and knowing the landscape was essential. The 4 foot diameter puddle was bottomless based on testing by a few 9 plus foot poles - ‘muskeg’ was what the guide called it, and I didn’t argue. Muskeg has a few other definitions up in the north, but bottomless pitts of unstable surface is good enough. Even if the peat mummies of Whales, Ireland & Northern Great Brittain weren’t accidentally trapped in their graves, no doubt there are thousands of pre-historic and post historic Alaskans and visitors as perfectly preserved in the black tannin of such surprising puddles. Wish I could have saved that picture in a way hat would have conveyed the awe.

As a wood carver I was particularly fascinated by the trees. Here’s a much too decayed example of a burle (which is essentially a benign tree lump) Gosh would I have loved to have a piece of this 50 years ago…

There’s a raptor habitat in the rainforest. The goal is that all these injured birds will be released into the wild. Cosiderin g that there are 2 times more birds of prey than humans in the Tungass rainforest and 4 times more black bears in an even wider scope of the north, and considering the zeal of the folks I met and their pride in this I couldn’t help smile with faith that if possible this bald eagle and his bud the owl will be free this year & if not they’re well cared for in as wild an world as possible….

OK so I didn’t get the owl sized right and I’m pooped and ready for bed….

Owl tomorrow along with the Ice fields near Juneau. I’ll need some dramamine…. LOLOLOLOL

You know, or may not know, that, of late my life is hardly as compartmentalized as it once was.  I’m leaving a job that I gave my heart and soul to,

At my old job hot shot newbies have been stuffed in to the mix and they’re  about pushing out those who can’t take the heat, they couldn’t quite get me in that tide. 

But by choice for reasons of health, ethics and my heart, here I am, free and letting go!   The last of 9 lost leaders.  And the loss of what was one of what the incoming ceo called the ‘best most cohesive team he’d ever encountered” in his carreer.  That’s his loss, not mine.

I’m incredibly proud of everything that my team through my leadership has accopmplished.  Though tempted, I’ve wished to be able to run from choices and problems peers or others outside my sphere of influence made.   Through serious and amazing support, I never have.  I’ve always shared ownership ang tried to guide the team to the ethical and ultimately right outcome.  No matter, my pride in every action my team has and continues to take is exemplary, wholey patient focused and right action.  I trust them to keep this focus.

And so, as I work out this week plus a few days.  Pray for me that the week to come gives me vindication and light, security and comfort…

love patty

Last night while surfing I found a neat relatively simple way to add some of the music I enjoy to my blog.  Right now it’s not updating to show the tracks I added this evening.  I’m not sure why.  There may be a step I left out.  I changed it to play the list in random order too, but for me at least it’s still playing in order.  If you don’t like the music and it somehow starts on it’s own on you, just click the stop thing in the top left corner of the green play list.

“I’ll be there” is very special for me.  I added some more Joni Mitchell, and two more special tunes -Chris de Burgh’s “Lady in Red” and Lori Morgan’s “Something in Red” tonight.  So far they’re not showing up. Hope the list refreshes soon, or I figure out what I’m doing wrong as I add them, so they play.  No hard rock or hip hop I’m afraid, but some classical, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison and the Boss will eventually show up as I gather.

Hope ya like it….

I noticed last week that my Flickr badge kept displaying “no such pictures.”  Yesterday I decided to check out why that was so persisent.  It seems that my Flickr account was deleted with no notice or explanation.  I had it protected as adult content, but apparently someone didn’t find that sufficient and nuked it.  They’d better have nuked the other Flickr galleries that had pirated my artwork too lemme tell you.   grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Don’t want anyone thinking I’ve dropped off the earth or any thing.  It’s been a whirlwind this past week and a half.  I’ve officially accepted the job offer and tendered my resignation from my current job.  I’ve agreed to stay on until mid March and tie up all the loose ends I can so that there’s a smooth transition.  I don’t have to, but that’s me.  I did my job with a bit of perfectionism, so I will leave it ready for someone new to slip right into. 

I’m very excited about my new job.  I’m now the Director of Quality, Risk, and ‘Education’ for two campuses of an up and coming healthcare company.  As now, quality, risk, infection control and employee health will report to me, but I get to trade the monster of medical staff credentialling for education which was what I did for 7 years before transitioning to Quality and Risk.  Who would have guessed there was a job out there where I could blend all of my job loves and talents?  I literally can’t wait to teach again.  When I interviewed with the owner he stopped at one point as we were talking and said “Who are you? Where did you come from?  You’re exactly what we need.  You’ve done education, critical care, quality, risk and infection control!”  Instead of a 30 minute interview we chatted for 90 minutes.

Of course the perfect job for me would be one where I could blend art, spanking and writing, but for now I’ll go with this one.  Good people, fun work, variety and good money too. I’ll miss my team, but I know I’m leaving them well situated.  They’re the real worker bees and the true engine. 

And I had my check up in Houston last Thursday and Friday.  I got through all the tests including the bone marrow, and so far all looks good.  The scare I had this past summer and fall has been crested, so I can talk about it now.  I remain in remission. 

Yes I owe many answers to comments and Chapter 9 of WW.  With luck I’ll get time to catch up right within another day or so.

Love

patty

He’s 3 months old, a foundling that children found in the rain and brought to my vet.  He’s been de wormed, de fleaed and started on his vaccinations.  He’s cute as a button and pretty laid back.  For now he’s spending unsupervised time im Murph’s old kennel, and slowly but surely Minitoes is letting him get closer so in a week or more I’ll be like he’s aleays been here.

Today I got a somewhat irksome e-mail from a ‘gentleman’ who is using one of my more recognizable drawings very prominenetly on the front page of his main website.  It’s flattering that my art is being used tastefully…. even so, there are simple web courtesies that are fair….

Well over a month ago, two readers simultaneously wrote me warning that I should know there was a paysite using my art probably without permission since my signature had been cropped and there was no credit to me posted anywhere. Since then 9 more have sent me the same heads up.  I made contact with the ‘owner’ of the site, thanked him for his appreciation of my art, told him I had no issues with him using my work, but in this case, since there was no credit and the image had been cropped to remove my signature, I asked for the image to be restored with my signature intact and that he place a credit for the image with a link to my gallery on his website - preferably on that front page where the image was.  We had a long seemingly positive talk.  He asked me to send him other samples of my work, I did. After that,  many weeks went by, no feedback on the sample drawings, no word, no nothing.  I figured he was busy, and let it go.

Then last week he writes and tells me he has my link up.  I go to his site, and can’t find it. It’s not where he promised it would be (on the page with the drawing as is customary) nor on his links page. I also find the drawing still doesn’t have it’s signature. I’m bugged a bit, but really too pre-occupied by work & life stuff to devote energy to it.  I get busy, it leaves my mind and my life goes on.  Then today I get a terse mail with a jpeg copy of a huge banner for his site and a ‘demand’ that I put it up or he will remove the link he has to my site.  “What link?” I ask myself?  So I go back to his site, navigate for a while & *finally* (it took some hunting) find his link to patty’s gallery on a back page.  There is still no credit to me as the artist responsible for the image that welcomes you to his home page & invites you in to his pay site, just the text Patty’s Gallery in a link on a back page of his site - it’s not even his links page. 

Ahhh well, such is life.  Not worth the energy of the irritation.  He’s probably not going to honor his promise, I get that.  Even though I’m no threat to his business in that everything I have up is free, I won’t be stealing any business from him.   What harm would keeping his promise do?  How could grace and courtesy hurt his business?  Even so, this lesson is probably worth this reminder and request.

I don’t mind in the least when people want to use my drawings within reason.  All I ask is that you keep them intact.  That means my signature remains part of the image you post and that you link back to either this blog or the main Patty’s Gallery site, and credit me as the artist each time you use an image.  If you want to put up many images, I prefer to be asked 1st, especially if you intend to create a gallery. I require that you ask 1st and if you’re going to put it on a pay site, that you let me see the site where you’ll post my work without making me pay to get in.  These are simple courtesies.  I’ve only asked once that a thumb gallery poster take an image down.  It was a briefly posted custom image that the owner didn’t want out there.

99% of the time there’s no issue at all. 

This time though, I’m a bit irked.  A promise was made … that my drawing would have my signature restored and if that wasn’t possible, proper credit would be given to me by name, with a link to my home page that would be placed on the page where the drawing was used.  Instead, there’s only link to Patty’s Gallery placed in an obscure list of resources on a back page with barely 5 other items included with me.  Actually my puny text link is easy to miss surrounded by flashing blinking hot list banners and sponsor sites.

ahhh well…..  it is what it is…..   too bad these guys don’t get how much money I could make them lending my pencil to their scenes and my drawings to paddles?    

Very moving.  Apparently this You Tube presentation was created by a 15 year old. 

Dropping in to let you know I’m still kicking.     Hope all is well with you.  I’m part way through a new story, hopefully will get it done tonight or tomorrow night.  Got a huge project going at work & haven’t had much time and won’t for a while.  Working all weekend & long days.  Miss you guys too. 

Hope you like this new look.   Seems nice and clean and flexible. 

note:  I’ve found a way to make the Personal Ads more robust… & yeah being an optimist I put mine up again… If you want a personal Ad, please e-mail me with your desired content.  I will edit it for possibly dangerous disclosures and unless it’s too out of character with this site, I’ll give you your own page.  Only the Ad poster may include e-mail or links.  Due to the possibility of soliciting underage contact I can’t have commenters inviting all comers to contact them, nor can I have Ad posters using this site for this purpose, so I will be watching comments & editing out links & e-mails…

Some say hearding cats is an adventure….. bathing cats just might be too.. enjoy a little diversion…

 ”save me.  Two against one”

“meanies!  I invested in collecting those flees I’ll have you know.”

“Oh!  Oh!  This is not my idea of primping.

not another lather, please, not another lather….

I’m not gettin back in there, no matter what you say, I’m not.

Just you wait… I’ll pee on your pillow… just wait…..

HALP ME HAAAAAAAALLP MEEEEE

Escape!   Now lemme go shake off on to of the silk sheet and comforter set.

So, are you going to help me down or make me slip and slide around while you laugh some more?

Haven’t you seen fantastic 4?  I’m rubber cat I’ll stretch all around the block before letting you drown me in there..

lolol

What a day.  What a week for that matter.  And it looks like there’ll be no weekend.  Thanks to tropical storm Erin, and now menacing Dean.  Both on top of a record rain filled summer that has already taken TX out of drought status for the 1st time in well over a decade.  We’re gearing up for a possible evacuation from a community with no where to evacuate to but the middle of nowhere or to centers already under water.  My home’s roof (being newer construction) is strapped & is hurricaine rated for wind speeds up to 170 (category 5) , and is located on elevation 11 which puts it above the reach of a 35 foot storm surge and any levee break, but no I don’t get to batten down here, I’ve gotta go to work where the building is located at elevation 5 - prone to flood - with a roof rated to withstand only category 3 force winds.  So, even though - God willing - we won’t get a direct hit, we’re in gear up to evacuate if needed mode.

We’ve had a week of social events too, which I hate to say, that I find exhausting.  I love the people, I just don’t really like the chit chat and mingling stuff.   Lunches at restaurants where the portions are huge, greet & hugs in the cafeteria where there’s more food, then suppers where again the portions are huge not to mention the pressure to drink is heavy.  Believe it or not having to give up my Saturday to all the work I couldn’t do earlier in the week and to help prepare for Dean actually allowed me to bow out of a second party tonight.  I’d been to lunch to get kudos for one project, an afternoon gathering with cake & punch for which I prepared the powerpoint goodbye tribute and then to a goodbye happy hour already, another goodbye dinner was just not in the cards by 7 PM. 

I’m already on the line because I can’t make the numbers come out equal using the different software I have had to master.  I don’t know why one says 127 cases while another says 98 for the same timeframe and same parameters.  Instead of accepting that I don’t have the IT experstise about how or why one program gathers different numbers than another, I’m threatened with a terse statement that I’d better be more meticulous in the future … this on the heels of having been warned that I’m too wrapped up in the details and need to pull back from the details and take the 30 thousand foot view.  What distresses me most is that someone who reports to a different director saw that the lists I’d given her didn’t match and while she called me well after hours with a silly off point question, she didn’t bring up the important question at all.  When I asked her why she didn’t say something when she knew there was an error in the paperwork she had to work from, she answered - ‘well I just do what I’m told.’  This blew me out of the water.  She knew our purpose, had legitimate questions about what was missing from a huge assignment, even called after hours apologizing for interrupting my life with a no brainer question, yet said nothing for days about the real question that bothered her.  I had to make the discovery myself, completely by accident….   so now evey discrepancy in any number generated from any source is suddenly my responsibility to catch and my fault if missed.

As I said it’s been one of those days, and one of those weeks.  Boy o boy (man o man) could I ever do with a spanking - several spankings actually.  Heck I’ll be honest, I could do with a spanking for every whiney complaint whether I agreed I needed it right then or not.  [please may this e mine again sone day]

I appreciated the feedback from my last post.  After the planning meeting & some catch up with my real work tomorrow I’ll try & answer y’all

love

patty

I guess you’ve noticed my frequency of posting has dropped quite a bit, some of it is sadness and squashed inspiration, I suppose.   Something that’s supposed to be common when hopes get dashed and there just are no good answers for why.  As life brings changes of all kinds, those changes affect us in ways we can’t predict.  It’s not that I’ve lost interest in blogging, it’s more that I’m not quite sure what to blog about. 

My interest in spanking, DD and D/s isn’t gone, though I admit it’s a bit squashed for the moment.  I can’t believe I travelled almost 2000 miles to meet a spanking partner and even though he asked if I was ready for my birthday spanking I couldn’t go there, and then as the hours passed, we both couldn’t go there, and the rest is history… LOL.  Maybe I should consider trying just spanking dates again.  Maybe requiring the whole package 1st just isn’t fair where internet contact and distance are inescapable realities.  I’ll need to talk through this with my therapist since I had some guilt and shame issues after the other casual spanking contacts I’d made.  Anyway, what do I have to offer anyone in tp spanking any more?

I got away from my pure erotic musings because they made John uncomfortable, so I started feeling exposed; I stopped writing Eamon and Sheila because the past seemed an unfair place to focus my energies while working on a future one…. so here I am at a new juncture.  Spanking, DD & D/s are once again a sweet memories, and for the moment only a fleeting vague desire.  I’m prepared to accept that all of it is now history for me, but the possibility that it still could come into my life again has been what’s kept me plugging this last year.  

So, do I set myself up on the shelf where I’m very tempted to seek safety, or do I keep on plugging?  That’s where I’m at for now.  Choosing safety while a place where I can find ease,  means it’s only a matter of tme before I get stale and irrelevant as a writer & artist (after all, how many ways can you draw or write a spanking from memory… memory is finite).  Keeping on plugging is frightening for now, not impossible, but daunting.  It’ll mean more change, more evolution and probably periods when what the trusted ones love me for most gets sidelined and maybe challenged (like the folks who love my spanking drawings but hate that I evolved to depicting exposed genitals and frankly sexual scenes - not that a bare bottom spanking scene is tame)….

Tell me what you want most for now please

1.  snippets & hello’s from my spankless life

2.  snippets from my spanking fantasy life

3.  snippets of erotica

4.  More chunks of life from Eamin & Sheila

5.  Accounts from life trying to meet a new spanking partners

6.  Artwork and fiction only

Combinations welcome.  I hadn’t realized how much I’d become defined be hopes and possibilities these last few months until they fell apart.  I’d forgotten the void that creates in many aspects of life including creativity. 

be well y’all

Hi all;

Hope everything is well with each of you.  Haven’t had much spanky muse these days, blech, not even the motivation for any quiet alone time either.  Uncharacteristic for me, I know.  Ah well such is life.  Started working on Lindy’s choice Chapter 3 again, but didn’t get too far.  I had to go back and reread chapter 1 & 2 to try and keep it linear, that put the kaibosh on making much progress with chapter 3 this weekend.   We’ll see what this week brings.

I watched two movies I’ve been wanting to see this weekend though, so the time hasn’t been a total loss.  Thought I’d share a bit about them, ok?  “Breech,” the fictionalized movie loosely based on the two months leading up to the arrest of Robert Hansen, “the worst spy ever in US history;” and “Junebug” a quirky independent film about family dynamics.  Both movies were great.

***

I always like watching Chris Cooper’s characters.  In Breech, he is again an amazing chameleon, taking on and bringing out such recognizable human nuances of the characters he plays.  The bad guy in this movie, being based on a real life man who is reviled, had to be a challenge to make whole.  Cooper’s performance makes the movie more than I expected it to be.

His portrayal of the spy is powerful and multidimensional, though I suspect the man Cooper portrays for the audience, is much more sympathetic than the real Hansen is capable of being.  As I said, the movie is highly fictionalized.  The ‘wanna-be-agent clerk’ character played by Ryan Phillippe is a complete fabrication, and the script was written more for drama than accuracy.  Even so, it is a well written and well crafted character study.  I appreciated the way the man’s *self* disintegrates as the conflict between who he wanted to be, what he did, and who he ultimately ended up being comes to a crisis point.  I could feel his simmering anxiety boil to panic as the world he once ruled and controlled began to progressively uncover his secrets.

There’s a subtle sense that he’s actually partly responsible for his own capture; that some of his angst, most of his arrogance, and maybe even the initial motivation to choose the path he did, comes from festering resentment.  The message is clear, that the very changes in practice and policy he has been advocating for his whole career would have caught him a decade earlier had they been recognized and implemented.   

Cooper plays Hansen as a jaded, hard, guarded and cold man prone to go on the offensive, yet his character’s arrogance, the thing that could have made him completely unsympathetic, is belied by a subtle, ‘ruined-man’ vulnerability.  It is the flaw that destroyed him, in the beginning and in the end.  He’s a an aggressive, opinionated, misogynistic Catholic, who is a hypocritical closet consumer of pornography, and who, unknown to his submissive dutiful and very proper wife, posts stories and videos of their apparently quite active “rough” bedroom life on the internet using her real name.  He’s actually almost desperately guarded emotionally, resisting displays of interpersonal connections with his clerk on the job, and yet he spends a whole night searching and printing literature about the clerk’s mother’s illness.  He gets along with no one, yet his grandchildren, children and wife think he walks on water.  Cooper effectively portrays a completely corrupted and flawed individual, yet in spite of all the unforgivable, despicable things he’s done, at the end there’s a palpable and poignant sense of relief.  The end left me with a sense of hope that the decent man inside him, a man he has ruined and crushed, is actually freed by his capture.   

All that said, I think Chris Cooper would make a good DD husband character, though I’d prefer to see Laura Linney play the role of his wife than his adversary.  *grin*

***

Junebug is another character study that I think is well crafted and nicely put together.  It starts out a bit off, but quickly turns into a comfortable ‘nice’ story about a young man whose new wife’s job – snapping up a hillbilly savant folk artist’s work - brings him back home.  Be aware though, the first few scenes aren’t well connected to the flow, and it’s not until the end that you get a sense for what’s going on and how they were relevant to the story.  Actually, if I had watched the movie at the movies or on TV instead of the DVD, where I was able to watch a few of the deleted scenes I might have missed some of the subtle but key early messages altogether.

It’s a very human study of a family of nice, but flawed, ordinary people.  There’s the golden boy oldest son who, for unspoken reasons, has made a deliberate choice to get as far away from home as possible; the passive-aggressive younger brother whose resentment of his brother has fed what seems to have become a brooding apathy possibly born of a lifetime *being* second.  Their mother, though strong, has become worn by life and is seemingly trapped at a protective arm’s distance from the people around her; her husband initially seems almost catatonic in his passive existence within his family.   Their family home and local community flesh out as powerful entities in their own right.  Every room in the home has it’s own living-breathing character and I loved the way the director brings out a fundamental stability in spite of the potentially divisive disparity within the family by lovingly portraying their home and each room in it, as unique and both occupied and empty. 

Older brother George, who has established himself successfully in Chicago (doing ?), met and married a sophisticated avant guard older woman and has been married six months before his wife’s business forces him to disclose his marriage to his family – this is one element you might miss if you don’t listen carefully to the dialogue.  Younger brother Johnny fell in love/lust and married before graduating high school and now works as a laborer in a wholesale retail shipping department.  Two years later, with his his very pregnant wife, he has moved back into his parents home.  His wife is a quirky effervescent presence in the home.  She welcomes George’s new wife with excited, childlike, open arms.  George’s ‘outsider’ new wife’s integration into/acceptance by the family initiated by Johnny’s wife, while an important theme in the movie, is really a means to underscore something never actually brought up and that’s what happened to compel him to leave and why Johnny resents not being able to leave.   (note:  the actress playing Johnny’s wife snagged several independant film awards as well as an academy award nomination for best supporting actress for her portrayal in this movie last year).

I love the way the seemingly least ‘capable’ individuals in the family, Johnny’s pregnant wife, and the quiet passive father, end up being the unifying and stabilizing forces in the family.  I won’t give away all the special nuances in the movie on you.  It will make you cry and smile.  It’s a quiet gentle dramedy. 

One of the highlights in the movie for me is when the pastor compels older brother George to get up and sing one of my favorite hymns during a church supper.   (the George Jones version I’ve linked for you is fair but kinda slow).  As he sings acapela (with back up from a father and son singing harmony) the camera cuts away to his family’s faces.  Much is said with the words of the hymn and the expressions of each person at their table.   Regrets about the realities of choices - to stay home, to leave home; sadness about, and at the sametime the beginnings of the resolutions of, old conflicts, lost time and inevitable change in their lives…

Hope everyone is well.  Hope my spanko muse picks up some steam, cause I think I sure could use one…. LOL! p.s.  Ann Murray & Alan Jackson do Softly and Tenderly very well on iTunes, but not as well as the acapela version in this movie… IMHO…