Surfing…
Been wandering around in the Humor links at Stumbleupon
Enjoyed some landscape photos first and then found Things People Say.
“The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?”
“Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.”
“Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.”
“Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.”
“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
“O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation.”
“After today’s service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor.”
“Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.”
“Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.”
“Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.”
“Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”
“Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.”
“Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.”
You just know why these warnings are there too doncha?
“Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.” — In the manual for a jetski.
“Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven.
“Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.” — In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
Now this is a weird one….
“Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.” — On the packaging for a wristwatch.
And this one is interesting…
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” — On a bag of Fritos.
Heck… you could spend hours laughing if you try all the things people said links. The kids quotes cracked me up….
The only better way to spend an hour would be getting a much needed spankin… or um that other thing consenting adults get up to, and well I’m sure you know what else is fun to do…. enjoy…
[edit… just had to add this one from Words without thought ]
Welcome to the Flippin Church of Christ.” — A sign outside a church in Flippin, Arkansas.
[John will get a kick out of this one..]
“It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.”
[ok another edit… but my chest literally hurts reading these Language Barrier quotes]
“Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce.” — From a menu in China.
“Buttered saucepans and fried hormones.” — From a menu in Japan.
“Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos.” — From a menu in Cairo.
[ok last edit… maybe… From News Reports ]
“The glamorous 17-year-old wants to be a policewoman some day, like her dad.” — From a New Zealand paper.
“Although as a rider and breeder she has won countless prizes, she says she enjoys an occasional beating.” — From a New Zealand paper.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Oh wow,,,you werent supposed to dry your cat in the microwave?huh,,,,
July 4th, 2007 at 4:33 am
Patty, very funny.
I read the mixing bowl one in a stupidest signs book in a Charity shop, I think that they are called Goodwill shops your side of the pond.
I remember my first Microwave came with a notice, “Not for drying pets or clothes.
Have a good 4th of July.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
July 4th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Not for drying pets or clothes… now how did I know Paul would better the entire list?
So how many days until you are in John’s arms and over his knee?
Love you, girl!
Tiggs
July 4th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Hi Patty,
Makes you wonder sometimes, doesn’t it. Are we looking forward to warnings on dishwashers and washers: Not intended to be used to wash children?
Have a great 4th.
Walk in Peace,
R
July 4th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Oh Jeff! you are the worst tease! Which is of course why I love ya, but donchyoudare try to dry your kitty in the microwave! Heck, everyone otta know you can’t even crisp chicken thighs in there never mind dry em…. sheesh!
Goodwill & Thrift shops… also called “Good Sam’s boutique” (for good samaritan). Paul LOLOL. Betcha folks tried drying clothes in them. Very sad that idiots have placed pets in them too, though I suspect not a one intended to dry the poor creatures. Oh man! Here I go weaping now. Why is it that some of the funniest lists often lift some of the cruelist rocks?
15 days Tiggr God willing.
LOLR… some things defy imagination, and some are just so sensibly absurd we have to laugh. When my mom asked her older sisters how they kept their high heels on, and they told her she needn’t worry, she’d grow into them … her 5 year old mind constructed what they meant. She watched her feet as diligently as she watched her chest. Her boobs grew, but her heels never did. At 14 she realized the truth and felt soooo silly….. Ever wonder how many of us live this reality on one level or another regarding one inexplicable idea or another??????
Love y’all….